apologies to Vicky and gemma but I thought these were funny
Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !
>
>How many men does it take to open a beer?
>None. It should be opened when she brings it
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
>Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
>never be able to support you.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
>closer to the kitchen sink.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
>When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>How do you fix a woman's watch?
>You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>Why do men fart more than women?
>Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
>pressure.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
>front door, who do you let in first?
>The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>A woman who won't do what she's told
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>I married a Miss Right.
>I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
>by 90%.
>It's called a Wedding Cake.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>Why do men die before their wives?
>They want to.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
>with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
>Then God created Man and rested.
>Then God created Woman.
>Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
now you know i'm not sexist but
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redline
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I think it was in reply to this (just to put things on an even keel )
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival! the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that w e will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival! the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that w e will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
very good Mick, I can see the funny side, and the 'its good to be a woman' list was great!
But... you kept Gemma on the good side... theres got to be a lesson there... erm, can someone tell me what it is?!?!?
'89(G) 340 GLE B172k
'03 S60 D5 SE, '91 (J) MX5, 1954 Cyclemaster
Ex:
'89(F) 340 GL F7R (ex B172k) - Fake -> SBKV 300 Runner Up 08, 12; '91(H) 340 GL B14.4E - Kar; '88(F) 360 GLT B200E - Jet -> BKV 300 Runner Up 09; '89(G) 360 GLT B200E - Beast
'03 S60 D5 SE, '91 (J) MX5, 1954 Cyclemaster
Ex:
'89(F) 340 GL F7R (ex B172k) - Fake -> SBKV 300 Runner Up 08, 12; '91(H) 340 GL B14.4E - Kar; '88(F) 360 GLT B200E - Jet -> BKV 300 Runner Up 09; '89(G) 360 GLT B200E - Beast
-
redline
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lesson 1Chris_C wrote:But... you kept Gemma on the good side... theres got to be a lesson there... erm, can someone tell me what it is?!?!?
dont leave Kate at the mercies of this lot while you and Nick bugger off on a road trip to India lol
lesson 2
If your gonna take the rip out of women
firstly
make sure your woman isn't around to see it,
and secondly
to keep things balanced give them something to laugh at
(NOOOOOO Chris put your pants back on !!!!!!!!!!!!! lol )
-
redline
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someone sent me these today thought some members might like them
( he says hiding from Vicky and Gemma )
It was entitled if Women ruled the world
i cant say who sent them to me but HE is a member here lol
( he says hiding from Vicky and Gemma )
It was entitled if Women ruled the world
i cant say who sent them to me but HE is a member here lol
Last edited by redline on 11 Aug 2006 09:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
Who could that have been then?!?